And when everybody around you blames you for it, how do you claim your power back?
There is nothing less dignified for a woman than feeling like there’s more to her on the inside; that a more authentic self lives deep beneath the surface, but is not readily accessible to herself.
Even worse – when she is blamed by those around her for the very wounds she carries that keep her from herself, and if they are some inexplicable personal flaw that she alone is in possession of.
What’s not understood by most is that we live in a global culture of trauma. Systems of oppression are everywhere, and they bear down on every living being who walks this Earth*. They cause every one of us to be unable to access some function that should be inherent to us, and healing can only come when understanding replaces the culture of condemnation. Understanding, of course, starts with ourselves.
*That is, until we throw them off…
I have yet to meet a woman who has doesn’t have some level of systemic suppression living in her system, and who walks through life harbouring the heavy burden of feeling like some parts of her will just never be sufficient because of it: whether she is aware of both the feeling and it’s underlying root cause or not. To be specific, it’s not just the suppression, but the trauma that accompanies it – which doesn’t register the same for everyone.
Trauma means many things to many people, but fundamentally it an overwhelm of the capacity to cope. Because this is a global and relentlessly ongoing, cross-generational problem, there is no let-up from the prevailing culture, and the only way to heal is to self-recognise and create resource where it isn’t otherwise.
It can begin in childhood or even in generations past, and varies from person to person.
- It’s the way your otherwise loving parent couldn’t meet you the way you needed because they were completely un-resourced themselves – and thus you find it hard to connect to your own needs in adult life. Queue: all sorts of relationship issues, feeling lost in groups, confusion, resentment, hurt…
- It’s the way you feel threatened by somebody in your life – a co-worker, or even partner or friend, and your whole body tenses up, which then affects the rest of your day, week, month – the worse you feel, the less support you seem to get; a vicious cycle
- It’s those words that you hear, the tone you feel, that has your stomach in contortions. Your heart closes up, you mean to respond with love, but something garbled comes out and messes everything up
- It’s the way you just can’t seem to shake yourself out of certain states, can’t get closer to the things you want, and wonder if you’ll ever get out of this place of “waiting” for your day to come
- It’s the way you feel frozen to the spot, unable to speak, for no explicable reason
- It’s the stutter when you’re asked a question about yourself, the lack of impulse control, the irrational thoughts
- It’s the glass wall between you and living fully – between you and others – that makes you feel like a ghost
- And of course, it’s overtly abusive events that haunt your every step – which are often the only kind that are considered to be of relevance (this is far from the truth)
I meet so many beautiful women who are trapped inside the experience of trauma and who feel chronically less than themselves as a result. Nervous, anxious, awkward, unsure of themselves and quietly churning up inside around all of the above. Worried about their every word and action, and about making the right decisions in life. A hidden pain known only to themselves (and even then sometimes not), and yet, to the one who is paying attention, reads loud and clear on their face.
It pains me to witness this – because I know what it’s like – and I know there’s another way. Which is exactly why I’m passionate about helping women to liberate themselves.
Trauma stunts out natural capacity to live our most full, vibrant and resourced selves. It keeps us in states of survival, and shut from our innate ability rest easily in who we really are. This is not a personal flaw, but in inability to access what should be available to us organically; the in-built resources that enable us to not just survive but thrive.
The thing is, because the global culture of trauma is not understood, trauma in individuals also goes unseen. Its impact lingers silently in the hearts and bones of the afflicted, hindering their deepest desires to present to life in the way they truly want.
As a result, experiences that are in fact trauma responses are labelled in every which harmful way not just by the majority of society, but – sadly – often by ourselves.
Every day lived in this way feels like a small act of self-betrayal, that layers further shame on top of an already overwhelming load.
In life, love, friendships, career, business… you’re sick of not feeling like yourself, and secretly blaming yourself for being not enough in how you show up.
“I should have done that better…”
“I could have…”
“If only I hadn’t…”
You tie yourself in knots in your mind, and every kick to your sensitive insides winds you tighter into a ball of tension – tension you might not even have noticed before now, because it’s been so normal.
But it’s not normal.
It’s the product of having lived in a world that completely fails to grasp the complex psycho-emotional impact of what is considered by most to be reality on the unique systems of every individual.
The failure to understand that everybody is different, and we are feeling beings – living and breathing – not machines.
There’s nothing wrong with you and there never has been. Your limits are a product of the culture in which you were raised, and they never belonged to you either.
Haven’t you had enough of living as a product of of somebody else’s limited decisions? A cog in a long line of repeating patterns endlessly churning themselves to destruction?
The tide is turning, and women like you are rising up – breaking free. When you’re ready to reclaim the dignity that is your birthright and shed the identity that was never real, meet me on the bridge and let’s walk you back to yourSelf. She’s waiting…
Who is this for:
Women who’ve been on a journey of growth and want to go deeper than ever before into the real heart of the matter. You’re ready for this now – you feel it as the next step, and something in your soul calls you forward.
About:
Ciara is a Master Coach, Somatic Therapy practitioner and trainee Psychotherapist, and has over 12 years of experience supporting women in a huge variety of settings. She blends feminine spirituality and ancient wisdom with the very practical overcoming of life limitations and challenges, facilitating deep psychological change and embodiment of the true self.
This work is women-oriented, women-powered, and intensely trauma-informed. With a profound sensitivity to the impact of trauma through her own life experience, Ciara is adept at spotting trauma patterning that has been completely overlooked, and helping women to reclaim the dignity of their full selves from beneath these painful limitations.